Sexual Intercourse
Education
Sexual Education:
"I want to have sex!" - said every person when they first experience a sexual desires, which are a very normal part of growing up and entering puberty/adolescence. Sexual acts can be achieved in several different ways, from light touching to penetration, there are several ways to have sexual relations. Below we cover the ways in which people can interact with eachothers genitalia and how we can better understand these experiences. Sexual Education is a vital part of growing up, but not having the information can be dangerous and threatening to their consent and knowlegde to consent.
Stereotypical Heterosexual Sex:
Typically depicted as a female being responsible for making sure the male is pleasured via vaginal penetration with the penis. Sometimes there is more pressure put on men to perform perfectly when it comes to these kinds of actions. Remembering that both people are typically engaging in sex for pleasure, can allow you to free yourself from the typical ideology of sex and focus on how to effeiciently pleasure each other. This can still mean vaginal penetration by penis, but it can also look like anything else you may desire. Of course, recognizing the wants, needs, and accommodations we need to make for our partners during sex is vital to having proper communication and consent for any sexual act.
Sexual Acts you can do with a Vagina & Vulva:
It's important to remember that the ways we uplift, advocate, and listen to AFAB individuals during sex is imparative due to the history of abuse relating to the identity as sexual property.
Mouth and Vuvla "Cunnilingus" or "Eating someone out":
This is a sexual act typically refers to pleasuring a person with typically female gentialia that stimulate the clitoris by use of the face and mouth. In order to keep safe, make sure you are aware of any mouth or vaginal sickness/diseases that could be transmitted to or from the vulva/ vaginal openning. There are dental dams, which is like a condom but in sheet form for people ot enjoy pleasuring one another, without the risk of transmitting diseases.
Penetration of Vagina:
This is a sexual act, that would be considered the most popular involving AFAB individuals. Whether you are being penetrated by a penis, finger, hands, toy, etc., you should always make sure that the thing entering your body is clean and well-managed to avoid yeast infections, urinary track infections or STIs/STDs. It is well known that female genitalia is typically unable to orgasm during penetration alone.
Sexual Acts you can do with a Penis:
Because the penis is considered an external organ, there are a few more options for it's place in sexual acts, especially when looking into queer relationships. It's important to remember that size and shape of typical male genitalia may change during and after erection, and that size it is never something to assign a worth too. All genitalia are created uniquely and it's an important part of all of us, so we should never judge someone based on the appearance of their genitals.
Oral Sex with Penis "Blow Job":
This is a sexual act where any person uses their mouth, throat, face, to stimulate and pleasure the penis typically to initiate erection of the penis. This is a common act amoung the younger population to avoid the further sexual acts. It's important to remember never to force someone into oral sex, or vice versa. Communication is always a vital piece of any sexual act.
Penetration of objects, or body parts, such as: Anal Sex, typical penetrative Sex Male &Female, penetration of objects or toys:
This is in reference to any act where an object/toy or bodily cavity is being penetrated by the penis, typically in the hopes of pleasuring the male. People with a vagina may have trouble trying to have an orgasm during vaginal penetration alone. It's important that people with male and female genitalia know that information going into sexual acts of penetration for the first time.
When having vaginal sex with a penis, there are of course a lot more things to take into account such as protection options (Condoms, Contraception, Getting Tested, etc.) You want to make sure you are being responsible about the way in which you keep your body clean and protected from STIs/STDs and unplanned pregnancy. Pulling out as a contraceptive mechanism doesn't work, and we have more information about that in the protection options page linked above.
When having anal sex with a penis, there are definitley some things to take into account, such as the needs to clean yourself off after. Some people use anal washes with water to avoid contact with fecal matter during sex. Anal sex can be planned for, but not everyone is going to have time, so keeping yourself clean afterwards is important. You can always use Condoms as a form of protection against fecal matter, STDs, and STIs. Make sure you are asking about STI/STD status, and get tested often and take the correct precautions.
When engaging in any activity that includes penetrating an object, please make sure this is it's intened purpose. There are plently of sex emergency accidents that occur due to using inappropriate objects as sex toys. NEVER use anything glass or non-stretchable.
Sexual Acts you can do with the Anus (butt):
When being involved with the anal cavity there are several precautions to take. We reccomend using cautious protection such as condoms and dental dams to prevent transmittable diseases. There is no reason that we should fear or judge sex acts, even if they aren't pleasurable or comfortable for us.
Penetration of the anal cavity:
We have discussed a lot of the ways that you can penetrate the anal cavity, but of course this is something that applies to everyone. We want to stress that the anal cavity is a muscle and if the object you use for penetration is not intended for that use, it may be enveloped by the anal cavity muscles, which can require immediate medical attention. When doing anything involving the anus please take any and all precautions.
Oral sex and the anal cavity:
When performing any kind of oral sex on the anus there are a lot of things to take into account, such as cleansliness, health, etc. We always want to get the consent of others before touching them in new places. Make sure that you are communicating effectively with the people you are engaging in sexual acts with.
What even is an Orgasm or 'Pleasure'?
An orgasm is a neurological event that occurs when peak pleasure is reached, this can be caused by several different actions or even the lack of any actions. Many people experience orgasms during masturbation or sexual acts with others. It's important to remember that everyone's route to an orgasm is different and when having sex you are trying to figure out the best route to get there. Orgasms are completely normal, but are different in mode or way, based on what sex or genitalia being stimulated.
Orgasms typically provide a physical relief of emotions, stress, and other build up tension in the body. It is very healthy for the body to experience orgasms unless you have a heart or neurological condition where you have been instructed otherwise. If you have a cardiological or neurological medical condition or diagnosis, talk to your doctor about orgasms and your safety when experiencing them.
When having sex with other people it is important to know about Consent and the ways of obtaining consent continuously. You also may want to consider the protection options you have for protecting again sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or infections (STIs). If you have questions about sexual desires or sex, that is completely normal, as no one has the answers until the ask. (In this case the internet, LOL). Information on getting tested and contraception is also important when deciding who and how to engage in sex.
AFAB bodies may experience orgasms by internal and/or external stimulation of the clitoris.
AMAB bodies may experience orgasms by erection followed by ejaculation of semen or 'cum' from the penis.
(If the ejaculation process is done in or after being in a vaginal canal, there is a chance of pregnancy, without contraception.)
Consent in All Spaces is a mechanism we can use to focus on how we would want to be treated in any given situation. We know that being forced to do anything is uncomfortable, and when it comes to sexual encounters there is a high tendency for people to abuse their position in the exchange of pleasure. This is not only a crime, but a tendency high enough that 1 in 4 people Assigned Female At Birth, or represent femininity, are sexually abused before the age of 18. This is not to take away from the ways that males are alos victims of sexual asssault.
Talking about consent is important and there are plently of ways to make is a sexy experience. We should always discuss our sexual preferences in terms of sexual acts, before we engage in sexual acts with someone new. It's important to discuss STD/STI status and make sure that this is a person you are comfortable with. Continuous consent is also important, and if you aren't feeling a situaiton don't feel compelled to continue. Make sure to have good communication with the people you are engaging with, this can be even in non-sexual spaces. Consent can revolve around many different areas in life such as, medical procedures, touching (hugging/kissing), discussion of personal information or triggering information, etc.
How do I talk to someone about having sex?
When talking to someone about having sex, it's important to both be straight forward about your wants, but also take things slow. When you are enjoying someone's company, there can be several factors in their choice to have sex. Respecting someone's answer and being conscious about the way you respond to their answer, is the way to make sure that you aren't putting someone in an uncomfortable position. Be respectful of any boundaries that asking or discussing sex may create for you and this person.
Of course read your situation, don't rudely ask just anyone you meet about sexual acts, unless you are both consenting in that direction.
How do I respect someone and bring up sexual feelings?
When you are trying to talk to someone about your feelings and you want to keep it respectful, there are a few things to start with. Make sure that you are being a trusting and caring person for this individual. Making sure that you actually think about your sexual feelings about this person is key, you don't want to ignore the ways you actually feel. This can be harmful to yourself and the other person, if the understanding for the sexual acts are not similar. Make sure you are communicating effeciently, even if it seems like too much. Many people would not prefer the lack-of-communication that some sexual relationships have.
Sexual Fantasies:
All of us have sexual fantasies, they are part of the brains development. Most people think about their identities and expression when it comes to sex, in the beginning of puberty and into adolescence. Reminding ourselves of imagination's lack of reality, and the consent we require from others and ourselves, allows us to detach these fantasies from real life. No one is ever obligated to be with you due to your liking of them, but there are still appropriate ways of approaching these feelings.
It's important to remind ourselves the ways that media and online sources can steer us in the wrong direction (even us). All of your preference comes with time and place, as well as needs of you and others. Try to remember how lots of free or mainstream porn or views of sex in media, are hideously inaccurate and depict unattainable standards for sex and worthiness. Porn can be positive way of expressing sexual urges, but there are really hurtful effects of watching porn or being exposed to porn at a young age. There is no reason to give yourself any expectation for sexual interaction because it will be different with everyone person on the planet. We recommend staying away from porn, unless you are an adult and understand your needs.
Masturbation (Self Pleasure) :
Masturbation is a term most people use to refer to self-pleasuring and the normality of pleasure centered health. There are a lot of ways that each of us keeps ourselves sexually safe, and masturbation is the number one. Because masturbation focuses on self-pleasure it is known to help reconnect with the self, lessen anxiety, lessen blood-pressure, and have positive mental health effects. There is no reason for anyone to demonize the safeness of touching yourself for pleasure. There is no age or time where touching yourself should be considered inappropriate. Finding a way to have a stable and healthy relationship with our ability to pleasure ourselves, allows us to communicate that with others and know your worth. If you are confused about your body and what's best for you, it is okay to bring these kinds of questions up with a doctor or trusted guardian.
Discussing masturbation should be a more open topic, but it can be scary for some people to share those experiences with others. There is a lot of social systems that can hinder our relationship with sexuality and self, but we have to break past social norms and discuss the uncomfortable. Masturbation is such a normal part of human development that many poets and literature has even revolved around the ideas of masturbation and fantasy.
Only when you obtain consent should masturbation can be done with or around people you would like to have sexual acts with. Sometimes we aren't ready to touch one another and we may choose to start with mutual masturbation. Mutual masturbation is another fluid safe sexual act that people can do together if they aren't sure about touching one another yet.
Vibrators and Sex Toys:
What are vibrators and sex toys, and why do people use them? Well it goes back to the idea of increasing pleasure, and typically we are discussing self-pleasure. However, many people use these devices when doing sexual acts together. Vibrators are typically used on external female genitalia (clitoris, vulva, vaginal openning), and sometimes also used as a penetrative object for all sexes. When it comes to toys there are thousands of ways that toys are designed and selected. Typically they are dependent on the ways you most often participate in sex. Dildos are a toy typically referring to the object form of male genitalia (penis and phalic shapes). There are also other things made specifically for anal penetration. Anal beads, are a very common form of anal penetration toys that are used typically during other vaginal penetration.
When choosing toys we want to go for materials that are BODY SAFE. Make sure that when purchasing any item you are looking for the materials that will keep you and your partner's safe. Make sure to be careful when choosing super low price options and the ways certain plastics can effect you.
There are other realms of toys that are based in the kinks and personal prefence in realms of sexual activities. It's important to remember than none of these toys are required to have a pleasurable sexual experience with yourself or others. However, when it comes to the stigmatization of self-pleasure, we want to make it clear that toys and vibrators are completely normal to have. If you are experiencing sexual desires, using toys to experiment for what you actually like, may help you communicate your desires to sexual partners in the future. Using toys is an easy way to suffice sexual urges, and have a better connection with yourself.
Keeping Toys Clean:
It is very important to keep any and all toys or objects used during sex that may have contact with bodily fluids. For extra protection, you can always purchase condoms to use with toys, especially if you are sharing these toys. When going to use a sex toy, you should always wash it with soap and water, and dry it with a clean cloth. It you use a toy that charges, make sure to be mindful of leaving a charger, charging in or near bed sheets (cloth) because you may have a fire hazard.
If you notice degredation of the sex toy, and any parts of the toy are no longer sealed or popping out, please stop using this toy immediately.
When to get new toys:
If the toy you have is facing any signs of degredation, or you notice tears in the structure, please retire this piece and dipose of it properly. If a pet gets a hold of a toy, (especially silicone) please retire the toy, as the fluids from the pet can be long-term imbedded in a toy. If you notice a toy is having discoloration, you should likely retire that toy as well.
(If you use a toy that is made of compostable materials, do not use long-term, and be vigilant for health changes.)
When disposing of toys please be careful and mindful of the types of rubber, silicone, plastic, batteries, etc. and dispose of them correctly.