Relationships

Familial Relationships:

These are the types of relationships we have with family members, or people who have family-like relationships with you. These people should be guiding factors in your life that steer you away from dangerous situations. We know that not all people have family members that do act within their duty of a relationship with them, but for the sake of knowing proper treatment we are going to discuss how familial relationships should have boundaries. This means that in familial relationships, they will all be different as well. Touching, certain conversation, and physical harm are all serious boundaries to have and should be indentified with everyone, even family members.  If it concerns your safety or health, some members of your family may need to make sure you are not hurt or injured. It's important to identify whether its a guardian or parent or distant family member who is trying to conversate with seriousness, etc. However, harming another individual -no matter the reason- is never okay. There are resources for you if a parent, guardian, or family member is physically harming or threatening harm to you. Familial relationships grow and change as we grow and change, so its important to keep a good understanding of trust, healthy communication, and boundaries, when it comes to your family members. 

You are still a child (if under 18) and some consequences or limitations  may occur depending on what kind of things you and your parents build trust over. It's important to remember that parents have the right to give consequences, but they don't have the right to emotionally manipulate or gaslight you. If something has happened, and you were at fault, there should be a conversation and understanding of events. Parents have the right to consequence how they see fit, but yelling, screaming and taunting to a level of harrassment is not ideal or appropriate of either party. Making sure that apropriate communication is taking place, can reduce the animosity and confusion of yelling matches. It's okay to ask for help from counselors at school and other mental health resources to see if someone can discuss with your parent the concerns you have about your communication. 

It is not everyone's business what you are up to, of course if you are younger its important to not hide your entire personality from your family, but we understand that its not always easy. Being yourself around your parents, especially depending on the ways your parents interact with the world, you may feel stuck. But trying to connect and let them know where you are is important to a good relationship. As we grow older our relationships will change and its okay to ask for help. We know that all parents have different approaches to their relationships with their children, but keeping an honest relationship is the best you can hope for. 

Friendship/ Plantonic Relationships:

Friendships can be tricky, often we start friendships to see if they will grow into other types of relationships. Sometimes we start friendships to have strong friends to hold us up, as we hold up them. Trust, loyalty, and communication, have become very confusing to our newer friendships post-COVID. It has also taken a lot out of us to grow up with so much interference of social media on our friendships and relationships. Friendship break-ups are often very difficult and unsteady. It can be hard establishing good friendships with solid communication and understanding of boundaries. We can do our best to try and make new friends, but it won't always pan out. Always we can really do is try our best and put ourselves out there. 

Friendships should have a few hard boundaries like touching, consent, some conversations, etc. It may be specific to each friendship. Of course no one should be manipulating, gaslighting, or trying to get you to do things you otherwise wouldn't. It's important to rememeber that no one can know about a boundary you haven't set. Unless it may be assumed by consent or touching rules, you will likely need to convey this boundary with your friends. When communicating a boundary you shouldn't be made to feel like accomodating you is an inconvenience; if someone wants to be your friend, they will. Friends should always be the kinds of people who want to do things that keep you safe or out of danger, not put you in it. When finding solid friendships make sure its someone you can be honest with. Honesty and truthfulness goes a long way in this world. 

When ending a friendship or relationship for any reason it's important to remember that you have the right to be apart of or not be apart of that relationship. Of course it is usually more polite if you allow someone to know why you may be making this choice so they can do better in the future. If the person cares enough to know what they did wrong you may be able to give them a learning opportunity. Of course if the friendship slowly losses connection and communication, maybe this can be a silent ending. 

Just because there is a lack of communication in a friendship doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Many long-distance friendships or hard to reach individuals, are still just as there for you as they used to be, but life gets fast and complex. This can make it more difficult to keep in touch all the time. Sending postcards or letters can helps relationships like these if you are wanting to keep some type of re-occuring communication in the  relationship. Of course, you and the person with you in the relationship, will always know it best and know one can tell you what that is. 

Romantic Relationships:

Romantic Relationships, there are so many types and kinds when it comes to these types of relationships. Friendships can become romantic relationships quite quickly, but its important to communicate with your possible partner about what you feel etc. Communication is one of the most important pieces of a romantic relationships. This may not mean constant communication, but discussing the things that really matter to each party of the relationship. There should always be a strong element of consent in all the ways that we interact with our partners. Consent is larger than just sexual interaction, it can range a lot of different things. Making sure that you and your partner are prioritzing one another is crucial. 

Romantic relationships also have a much higher rate of domestic violence and unwanted touching or sexual assault. Just because you are in a relationship with someone, does not meant they have the right to touch you in ways you do not consent in being touched. Look for local domestic violence resources if you are experiencing domestic violence or breaking of consent. When we have romantic relationships we have to look at the ways in which we treat one another and be willing to grow with others. Sometimes we need to give and receive criticizm on how we treat one another. While these conversations can be scary or seem threatening, its important to listen with intent and see what your best following actions can be. 

Sex can be a part of romantic relationships, but it does not have to be a part of romantic relationship for it to be romantic. Sex is often seen as the codification of a romantic relationship, but thats simply not the case. Many people experience love and affection without the need for sex. This doesn't mean it's not healthy to be having sex, it just means it's not required to love another person romantically. 

Sexual Relationships:

Sexual relationships are those we have with the people we have sexual interactions with. This type of relationship is important to talk about because they can overlap with other types of relationships such as friendships and romantic relationships. Sexual relationships are usually founded is consent, understanding of actions, and passion. When two people choose to have sex with one another they are enjoying a nature part of being human, but you still need to take the necessary precautions. Making sure you have discussed protection options, STI/STD testing, contraception, and types of sexual acts you are comfortable doing, are all necessary conversations to have with someone you intend on sleeping with. You want to make sure that you are doing everything you can to make yourself and the other person comfortable with the actions you plan to take. 

Not every person experiences pleasure in the same ways, and knowing that pleasure will be different for everyone can be really important to consider. You want to make sure that you are doing things that make sex pleasurable for both parties, and with both parties consent. Remember that not all chronc illnesses or disabilities are seen by the naked eye, nor is someone responsible for telling you; but you can accomodate your sexual interaction to the way the other person is suggesting or illicits pleasure for them. 

Communication is a vital part of safe sexual relationships. You need to be able to discuss the possible outcomes and harm reduction options for your sexual interactions. It's important also to discuss what is most pleasurable for you and for the other party. Taking into consideration someone elses pleasure is the point of having sex, not just for the pleasure of one party. While some sexual actions may be only to one party at a time, mutual consent and pleasure is important. Taking time to talk about these factors in your sex life will likely strengthen the relationship you have with the other person. 

Disclaimer: if you are having heterosexual sexual interactions where pregnancy is a possibility, making sure you know eachother's views on contraception, abortion, and rights of the female body, is crucial. You do not want to be getting into a sexual relationship with someone who doesn't support you or other's autonomy.