Who should I talk to?
People You Can Trust.
Knowing who to go to in a given situation and who to talk to about your private life with, is an important skill for people to develop, it can also be a challenge sometimes. Often times we are gifted with caring individuals that help us navigate our way through life's toughest battles. However, it is not always clear at first on how the people in our lives will respond to certain situations as we are, at the end of the day all human beings with emotions that often cloud our judgement and actions. So the question is, often asked, Who should I talk to?
To dive deeper, we must acknowledge that all situations are unique to each person's experiences and individual perception. As We go on to discuss several of the most common scenarios people need help discussing, we encourage you to keep this in mind and to give us any feedback you might have on whether or not our content was helpful for you!
Parent/Guardian
There can be a lot of perceived parent-child boundaries when it comes to conversation and understanding of one another. However, this does not have to be the case, as many parents can be extremely dangerous to talk to. If you believe that you are better off talking to the parent of a friend, or investigating the trust you have in the other adults in your life. Any adult involved in or around your life should be able to discuss difficult topics and they are able to reach the appropriate channels to report, or keep you safe via other mechanisms.
Therapist
Therapist are a great tool for people to discuss their emotions in a healthy manner, however there are things to be aware of regarding patient-confidentiality, expecially for individuals under the age of 18. Mental health professionals are there for everyone, and they are also the best tool for the most difficult topics. They have the professional training to keep us safe, and prevent the reoccurrence of the harm or problem we are facing. Most places have laws in place for the protection of minors that require therapist to report certain information to the child's legal Guardian. Specifically if you are harming yourself or others.
Siblings
Sibling relationships are uncanny in comparison to other relationships. You want to make sure that you are respecting each other while keeping a playful relationship. Sometimes there will be hard decisions to make about telling on one another or keeping each other's secrets, but should always be done if safety is in question. Siblings should be able to know that their parents care about them no matter what, so some unbalanced sibling love from parental figures can be uneasy on the sibling relationship.
Friends
You should be able to tell your friends anything, however it is important to understand a persons moral standings. It's key to know what they stand for when having conversations with each other. Friends should be trustworthy, and have a good sense of keeping an openmind while caring about your safety. Sometimes things even when sworn to secret will be spoken if in a situation where its in question. Which means you have to make sure you are aware that anything you tell anyone, has the potential to fall into another converstion amongst parents, siblings, partners, or other friend groups.
Teachers
Our educators are responsible for the standardized lessons we learn in our school systems. Many students feel they can reach out to their teachers and many times, teachers can be a great help in this way. However it is important to remember that teachers, as a worker of the state & district, are required to report any information regarding self-harm as well as anything regarding harming other people or acts of vandalism/ threats to the school or anyone within the school.
Religious Figures
If you are speaking with a Rabbi, Priest, Decon, or designated member of your faith, it's important to remind yourself that they can not be someone who spreads your information to the community. Religious persons are typically going to counsel you on how to make decisions in your situation depending on your religious identity. Most times this information can be very intimate and useful, but it is important (even when you feel introuble) to call out grooming from elders when boundaries are being crossed. Reaching out to your trusted religious community members can be a great way to get advice, and with the right precautions of understanding boundaries you can avoid any manipulative situation.
How do we build trust?
Our entire lives are directed by where we have trust and whom has trust in us. Trust is difficult, because in many ways we lose and gain trust all the time. It's something we learn as we go. We will all lose trust in others, and likely someone will lose trust in us. However, its the consistency of trustworthiness that allows us to be trusted or trust others. If you do something that breaks someone's trust, then stay your distance until they can begin to trust you again. An apology is always going to be the best way to go, but please be mindful of how you discuss It's important to make sure that as you grow in relationships with other people, that you discuss trust and what it means in your relationship specifically.
Trust between parents and children will be different at every stage in life, but you want to make sure that you know when safety and necessity overlooks the misdoings you are participating in. If you are at a party and not at the friend's house you said you would be- Does someone else you trust know you are there? Does a sibling know where you are? Could your parents find you if you didn't come home? If not, how are you going to take precautions at the party to know at what point you may need ot come clean with your parents to get a safe ride home, or if you feel effects of drugs you weren't expecting. Where a lot of parents may be upset about the lie of where you are, they will trust you more that you made the right decision to call and get help than allow yourself to be in harms way. This seems super backwards, but driving accidents, drug overdoses, and gun violence make up for a large number of teenage deaths; so it's important for all of us to take precautions when in a place where we may be less aware of these things as they happen.
Trust in a relationship, should be based off of the building of trustful actions. You can't build trust overnight, it takes months, and years to prove that you are a trustful source of friendship, love, romantic love, etc. You have to make the tough decision of knowing when it is and is not appropriate to trust others, often times we choose with our hearts, which can both lead us in the right and wrong direction. Trust your intuition, but also take into account the commonalities of opinions from people around you. Asking the people who see you from the outside view about your situation can often give you a raw and sometimes rough look at your relationships or life. This of course does NOT mean that any one person should tell you what to do in a relationship, but comparing multiple answers will be most likely to give you something to think about. If you think you are in a manipulative or abusive relationship there are always ways to safely discuss these tendencies with your partner if you feel comfortable, or if you need to exit the relationship even when its extremely tough.